


A Funny Thing Happened At Three In The Morning

by SaraJaye



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Bob Wins, Drunk Jimmy, Drunk Texting, Gen, Peeing Races, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It figures the one time he wins a fight with Jimmy Pesto, he wasn't even there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Funny Thing Happened At Three In The Morning

One morning, Bob woke up to 10 messages in his voicemail box and they were all from Jimmy Pesto. And of course, Bob Belcher couldn't see Jimmy Pesto's name anywhere and _not_ go into a rage.

Then he actually read them, and by the time Linda came out of the shower he was laughing his ass off. For one thing, Jimmy was obviously _not_ sober. Drunk or stoned, Bob couldn't figure it out, but somehow hearing Jimmy brag in a wobbly, stupid voice made him less rage-inducing. By the tenth message he'd dissolved into a snivelling mess. _O-okay, you wiiin! You won, ya stupid burgerhead, just leave me alooooone! I hate you and your face and your stupid butts! I mean burgers!_ The rest had been ineligible sobbing followed by a crash.

"It figures," Bob snorted. "The one time I send Jimmy running home crying I'm not even there!"

"Well, ya obviously did _something,_ " Linda said, sitting down on the bed next to him and peeked over his shoulder. She always did that, he didn't like it but he was used to it so he rarely bothered to tell her to stop. "Lookit this, Bobby, he's gettin' more and more desperate with every message! And all this over...what does that say in the first one?"

"He bought a new deep fryer for his restaurant and he was bragging about it," Bob said. "I think he's slipping, Lin, usually he brags right away rather than waiting till three in the morning when we're all sleeping."

"Yeah, that _is_ weird." Linda shrugged. "Ya know, I don't usually like your stupid peein' races with Jimmy, but I'm kinda proud of you this time. You made him cry without actually talkin' to him!"

"Aww, thanks, Lin." Bob smirked. "Yeah, it feels good to come out on top for once."

When Jimmy stopped by the restaurant to brag about the fryer later that day, Bob just grinned the whole time. Which of course frustrated Jimmy and amused the kids.

"Dad, you're awfully calm about this," Tina said.

"Are you gonna sneak into Jimmy's house and kill him later?" Louise asked hopefully.

"Did you have a really good fart this morning?" Gene asked. Bob just smiled and patted each kid on the head. They didn't get the whole rivalry thing either, but at least they didn't try to pretend it wasn't serious business.


End file.
